Melissa (born in the 1960s) is Stu's ex-girlfriend - a selfish, shallow, domineering, uncaring, over-controlling, greedy, and unfaithful bitch woman who was completely controlling to Stu and wouldn't even let him kiss her. Also considered an antagonist of the movie. She cheated on him while on a cruise and had sex with a bartender but Stu still dated her, and even planned to propose to her. Phil mentions that she beat Stu. Rather than risk telling her that he, Doug, Phil, and Alan are actually going to Las Vegas, Stu tells her that they are going to Napa Valley to have Doug's bachelor party in wine country. At Doug and Tracy's wedding, Stu finally has enough of Melissa controlling his life and ends their relationship.
—"I just wish your friends were as mature as you."
—"I just hope you're not going to go to some strip club when you're up there."
—"...boys and their bachelor parties, it's gross."
—"That's a good idea, doctor faggot."
—"Suck my dick."